Sos4seniors's Blog

Do You Have a Support System in Place When Challenged with Parents’ Care?

sos4seniors — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 00:02:43 +0000

I just returned a few weeks ago from caregiving for my parents who live in Southern California, which is an hour plane ride away from where I live in Northern California. My mother had colon cancer and had surgery scheduled for October 4th (2010). I have 3 older sisters, but it just so happened that I had the more “flexible” schedule due to me having my own businesses and them working “regular” jobs. Luckily my 78-year-old mother’s surgery went without a hitch — and she was eating pot roast and chocolate cake 4 days after surgery — a miracle to us all! And, luckily the cancer had not spread into the liver or 19 biopsied lymph nodes. (Which was another miracle!) Also, my 2 oldest sisters were able to take some time off work at the last minute, and because the charge nurse said that we needed to spend the night at the hospital due to my mother being a ”fall risk,” we were each able to spend a night at the hospital 3 or the 4 days during my mother’s stay.

A Big Realization:
After the two weeks were over, and an exhausted me was on the plane flying back to the Bay Area, I realized how lucky I was to have my sisters be able to take “shifts” and stay overnight at the hospital, so I did not have to do it the all 3 nights and be totally “sleepless in Southern California.” As you may or may not know, no one, including the patients, cannot get any real sleep at a hospital due to the constant (and necessary) activities that happen there. (Every hour or less there are buzzers buzzing, nurses coming into the room due to shift changes, checking vitals, my mother practically jumping out of bed to get to the commode…there never seems to be a dull moment.) While I must commend the health care workers and nurses on being totally committed and doing a fantastic job, I didn’t realize until afterwards how important it was that I was there with my mother and at her side when she needed something. Then, I could easily buzz the nurses and communicate her needs — whether she wanted pain medication, or to get to the commode – and then have them do their job. But the fact that one of us in the family was there during her stay there made all the difference in the world to her and I believe it helped her recover from her surgery much faster.

Using Each Support Person’s Strengths:
This also leads me to a point: It is important to have a support system in place when caring for elderly parents. Whether or not you have siblings or caring friends or relatives, you must have these folks not only be a backup in case you are not available, but also that you have given someone authority to help with things that you may not be good at or just do not want to do. For example, my second to the oldest sister, Dawne, who works as an x-ray technician in a doctor’s office, is in charge of setting up appointments for my parents – her strength is that she knows how to deal with medical office staff and doctors when she needs to get my parents in for an appointment. My older sister, who we refer to as “the general” only because she is straight-forward and gets the job done in an efficient manner — no matter what her obstacles — works on the financial end of things for my parents — dealing with estate lawyers, etc. The second to the youngest sister (I am the youngest), is the closest, but works full time at a clinic does the day-to-day things — e.g. checking in with my parents on the way home from work, picking up items from the grocery store, taking them home from the emergency room or hospital if anything happens, etc. Since I have over 7 years experience working in sales and marketing at senior living communities, I seem to be the “manager” of my parents care — helping to hire and direct the caregiver that they have coming in for 4 hours a day, 6 days a week, making a food menu or to do list for her, etc.

You are probably saying to yourself, “Boy, Diane is sure lucky that she has 3 sisters and they all get along. No one in my family gets along –all we do is fight.” Well, I understand that this is sometimes the case; however, I am sure you have friends, neighbors, or other family members that you can depend on to be a part of the support system. I would imagine that one of them are good at managing things, or another is good with people, or they have other strengths that you can utilize and help you set up a support system prior to your parents needing help. This can be done informally, just by a phone call or a coffee visit to ask them if they wouldn’t mind helping you out. If you do this ahead of time, things will go much smoother and you will realize that it takes a village to not only care for children, but older folks as well.

Tips on Planning a Future Move to a Senior Community

sos4seniors — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 00:20:51 +0000

Even though you may not be ready to move to a senior community, you should at least start planning at least 5-7 years in advance. How do you go about doing this? First, figure out geographically where you would want to move. Do you have kids or other family living in another area that may be important to have nearby? Then, write a list of priorities on what is important to you in your life and where you live. For example, you may be an active bridge player or no longer want to cook. Write that down on your list. Or, you may be tired of cleaning house, also write that down — not having to do housework. When you finish your list, number each item by priority, with the most important as #1, and so on. If you have a partner, compare the list with your partner and figure out between the 2 lists what the top 8-10 (or more) priorities are. Then start looking.

How to Find the “Right” Senior Community

sos4seniors — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 22:32:31 +0000

Finding the right senior community can be an enjoyable experience if done with the right planning. At the same time, this is one of the biggest challenges that looms over baby boomers and is on seniors’ minds — and usually is one of the main questions that is asked of me. There is no simple answer, but here are some tips to finding the “right” place for you or your loved one:

1) Figure out what you can afford: before spending your time, and it can be a lot of time seeing places, figure out what you can afford monthly. Make a list of your expenses versus your income. Have a monthly amount in mind before making appointments at senior communities. You may want to discuss this with a financial planner first. If you have a long term care insurance plan, find out how much they pay, when they pay and what the requirements are for the senior living community you move to under the policy. Policies can vary widely, so do your homework first.

2) Make a wish list: What is important to you where you live now? What are your current needs, healthwise and otherwise? For example, do you need assistance with managing your medications? Do you like to eat with other people? Are you alone a lot? Do you enjoy being with others? What types of activities do you enjoy, for example, Bridge, Tai Chi, going out to lunch, etc. List all the things that are important to you. Bring this list with you as you visit communities, and then check off the items that the community offers that fits with your wish list. The community matches the most items on your wish list is the one that is a good fit for you.

3) Determine geographically where you want to live now and in the future: Do you want to stay in the same community? Do you need to move out of your community to be closer to a family member? Determine where you want to live presently and also consider your future needs…if something happens, will you need to be near your family? And, keep in mind that you want to only move once, if possible. So, if you have a son or daughter that lives in Colorado, and you live in California, you may want to look at senior communities in Colorado.

4) Move before you have to: Seniors are staying home longer and then are ending up having to move due to a fall or other health emergency. Once you have to move, you no longer can choose where you live. The best advice I can give any senior is to move before an emergency happens. If you move beforehand then you get to choose where you live rather than your family members making that decision for you. This way you can enjoy all the amenities and social activities that the senior community offers. Your family can relax knowing you will be taken care of even if something happens to you down the line because you will not be alone. It’s a win-win for all.

5) Find a senior community placement professional: Finding someone who is familiar with the senior communities in your area and that can match you with them is vital — it can save a lot of time for you and your family members. They can hone it down to 2 or 3 places that best fit your finances, needs and activity level. Many times these services are free. And, the senior community placement professional can be the point of contact for the marketing personnel, so your family members will not be bothered by the constant marketing by the community. This can be a win-win for all.

6) Just Get up and go: Once you have determined your finances and what you want, go take a look. Even if you are not ready to move now, it is always a good idea to see what is out there. I always suggest having lunch at the places you have chosen to see — the quality of food is always important. And, most importantly, relax and enjoy your visit. Be open to learn about the particular community and always ask the marketing personnel if you can ask residents what they think about living there. And, have fun. Visiting senior communities with family can be a very positive experience for everyone.

When Parents Do Not Want to Move

sos4seniors — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 23:56:01 +0000

While working for over 7 years in marketing at some major senior living communities in Sonoma and Marin Counties, there seems to be a common theme among seniors….they do not want to move to a senior community, particularly after they have lived in their homes for over 20, 30 and in some cases 40 years. So, how do you get them to move before an emergency happens (they fell and broke a hip), and they have to move. This is the question that all of us baby boomers are challenged with. I am also challenged with taking care of aging parents, so I fully understand what adult children are going through. Here are some suggestion on how to get them to move….this is not a magic bullet, but it will start the wheels turning. First of all, you need to take little steps. Maybe have a caregiver come in to do the things that they need, meal preparation, medications, help with toileting, that type of thing. Second, if they are social types, and are lonely in their home, they may thrive at a senior community because of the activities and meals that are shared in a communal dining room. third, tell them that they should move while they can make that decision, rather than getting to the point of having to move. Be gentle, never force the issue. It is a hard decision, but if you gently tell them that being in their home causes you to stay up at night worrying, they may give in. This is not the exact answer, but can give you some ideas you may need to get them moving. Good luck.

Atria Tamalpais Senior Living in Novato

sos4seniors — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 23:44:37 +0000

Atria Tamalpais in Novato, CA is in the middle of some major renovations to the building, to include their apartments, lobby, and dining room (that was all finished) — they even have a movie theatre for residents and lectures. The place looks great! The building is about 30 years old, so it needed some work, but now it looks beautiful. They also just opened their new memory care center and that is absolutely stunning, in addition they have a very well-thought out program for seniors with Alzheimers or dementia. They now have 1 bedroom apartments in the assisted living side that are 800 square feet….very big. They provide meals, transportation, activites, and all the usual immenities. They have a new activity person, Diane Griffeath, who I know very well and is very good at what she does. Overall, I would give them an A! Great place for seniors to live.